


A Heavy Head, An Empty Bed

by a_denim_wrapped_nightmare



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Alternating, Post-argument, Shyan Valentine's 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_denim_wrapped_nightmare/pseuds/a_denim_wrapped_nightmare
Summary: There's plans for a nice night in. There's a fight. There's an aftermath.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69
Collections: Shyan Valentine's Exchange 2020





	A Heavy Head, An Empty Bed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [doradita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doradita/gifts).



> A massive thanks to Tiia for the prompt! I hope you like it.

He needs to write. He needs to move his fingers, and type out the next sentence. Something about a cold case from the turn of the century, a long-unsolved mystery he’s wanted to cover for a while now and finally has the time for. 

But nothing gets his hands to move, and no words flow into the document. 

He glances at the time - quarter past five in the morning. It’s been… a while now. When did he get up again? It was early, yes, but how early? When’d he get out of bed? 

He doesn’t have to go back to his bedroom to know what’s waiting for him there. An unmade bed with strewn-about sheets. Probably messier on the side that Shane had been sleeping on. 

There’s a little something nagging at his insides as he reminds himself of that. Shane’s not here anymore. He didn’t  _ want _ to be here anymore. Because Shane decided that this morning was as fine a time as any to flip his idiot switch on. 

Much as the big guy prides himself on being a voice of rationality, he sure does have his moments of being unreasonable. Let’s face it, he and Ryan have different ways of looking at things. Where Ryan sees a place to be cautious in and respectful of, Shane sees an opportunity to party. And that was fine when they were touring the country looking for ghosts - hell, Ryan appreciated the levity. But they aren’t doing that now. Not _just_ that, anyway. Now they have their own company, more responsibility than they’ve ever had. There are no higher-ups to restrict them, but that means no higher-ups to guide them. They only have a fraction of the crew they once had. If they’re going to survive this wild west that is running a business, they’ll have to work harder than ever. And maybe when all they had on their plate was Unsolved, he and Shane’s different work ethics could co-exist. But now it seems like Shane can’t accept what Ryan’s willing to do to keep his career afloat. 

Well, sucks to be Shane. Things change. And Ryan has research to do. 

* * *

“Oh!” said Steven. “Here’s one that could lead somewhere interesting. On Twitter, @msdenimjeans asks: ‘What thing do you find to be most annoying about each other?’”

“Well, you’re both stubborn as hell,” said Ryan. 

“Woah!” said Steven. “That was quick-”

“You just had that locked and loaded,” said Shane. 

Watcher Weekly was going to be interesting. This time, Steven answered most of the questions, on account of Grocery Run having just premiered. He was in the chair this week, leaving the ghoulboys to share the couch - and practically sit in each other's laps, because sometimes Ryan was just like that - which was something that Shane didn't mind. 

“It’s true-” Ryan turned to the camera. “Both of these guys are stubborn oxes in human bodies. And they’re stubborn in their own special ways. Steven’s- we’ve been over this before, but Steven is one of the most competitive people I know. He might not win in the end, but he will keep trying to win like his life depends on it. And Shane, as you all know, is about as hardened a skeptic as you can get. He could get drop-kicked by a demon and say ‘Wowza, the gravity here’s really strong tonight!’.”

“Can a demon drop-kick someone?” asked Steven. 

“I feel like they could. In Shane’s case, I feel like they’d have trouble, what with the being eight feet tall thing.”

“I’m trying to think… what’s the most annoying thing about Ryan or Shane…”

“I guess,” said Ryan, “being a human tree does have some advantages.”

“Oh, you know it does,” said Shane, snaking his arm around Ryan’s shoulders. Ryan’s smile fell before coming back in the form of half-stifled giggles. It was a moment Shane wished he could bottle up and relive over and over again. 

“The flirting,” said Steven. “That’s the most annoying thing.” And as Ryan and Shane broke down into giggles again, he continued. “It’s- we’re actually filming this on Valentine’s Day, and these two have been flirting _all morning.”_

“Why, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This is your first Valentine’s Day together, isn’t it?” When he and Ryan nodded, Steven continued. “It shows. Couple o’ newlyweds over here.”

“Hey, slow down with the marriage talk, Lim,” said Ryan. “You don’t need to give us ideas.”

“You might as well be married! Even before you started dating, you two were basically conjoined at the hip for, like, five years. And, going back to the question, in that amount of time you  _ have _ to have gotten annoyed with each other now and then.”

“That’s true. Uh…”

The first thing that popped into Shane’s head was Ryan’s weird belly-rubbing habit. And while yes, it did disconcert him, as he looked into Ryan’s eyes something else came to mind. 

There were dark circles under Ryan’s eyes. Shane didn’t need to see them to know that Ryan hadn’t been taking care of himself much lately - the ‘last edited’ timestamps on their shared work documents and Ryan’s heavier-than-usual coffee consumption rates told him that much. Ryan had been like that before, back when the workload at Buzzfeed got especially intense, or during the worst weeks of production for Watcher shows last year. And every time it broke Shane’s heart. But he never found the courage to say something about it. Whenever he tried to find the words, it felt like he was intruding on something. And he was worried about getting too soft, revealing too much. Breaking boundaries. 

But those boundaries were gone now. So surely he could say something, right?  _ Ryan gets caught up in his work and forgets to sleep  _ \- no, that sounds too accusatory.  _ Ryan hasn’t been taking care of himself lately and it’s scaring me _ \- no, that’s too serious for this. They can only get so open on Watcher Weekly. 

“Well, Ryan does this thing when he eats a big meal…”

* * *

_ Huh, _ Ryan thinks.  _ The sun’s rising.  _

He’s gotten a few new paragraphs down.  _ Not bad, Bergara. _ But not as fast as he used to be. He remembers back in the day, when he could write more even when everything around him was busier. When people were buzzing around Buzzfeed and his eyes kept getting drawn against his will to Shane, sitting right beside him. 

Maybe he should call Shane… nah. Shane’s probably fast asleep. Best not to wake him up. Especially not after what happened last night. Come to think of it, waking Shane up in the middle of the night was probably the tipping point that made that whole mess happen. Ryan must have accidentally made some noise that woke Shane up, and in his groggy state, he wasn’t able to think clearly. Wasn’t able to see things from Ryan’s perspective. That had to be it. 

Now if only Ryan could think clearly. This document would be a lot further along if he could manage that. 

* * *

The local restaurants were probably filled to bursting with couples tonight. That was fine. Shane preferred a nice night in anyway. 

He’d made some spots for himself and Ryan on Ryan’s couch. Ryan hadn’t settled in just yet - he was standing by the kitchen counter, typing away at something or other on his laptop. 

“Ryan, you gonna help me pick a movie?”

“Yeah. I just need to finish this thing.”

Shane didn’t prod any further. He’d been trying to finish a bunch of things lately. Scripts, research notes, all the paperwork that goes into making sure they’re allowed to film at whatever locations they’ve got in mind for a shoot. He hadn’t been doing much else. 

“You almost done?”

“Just another minute!”

“Come on, Ry’. It can wait, can’t it?”

There was a moment of silence, before Ryan closed the laptop and finally sat down on the couch, leaning into Shane and taking a look at the screen. 

“We’re still doing a monster movie, right?”

“Yeah,” said Shane. It may have been Valentine’s Day, but picking a rom-com didn’t quite feel right. It was too cliche. “We’ve got options. I know you love  _ Little Shop, _ but I’ve heard good things about this  _ Colossal _ movie, so if you wanna give that one a go, it’s… it’s there.”

It was strange - physically speaking, there was no distance between them at all. They’d broken through the barrier of mutual pining months ago. But looking at Ryan now, he felt distant in a way Shane couldn’t quite describe. He was here and not here, present and elsewhere. 

“What’s  _ Colossal _ about?”

“Anne Hathaway can remote-control a giant monster. Or maybe she is the monster? I dunno. Wanna check it out?”

“Sure,” Ryan said after a long pause. “Why not?”

“Okay, then.”

The uneasiness didn’t go away as Shane pressed play. 

* * *

It’s nearly noon and nothing is working. Whatever part of Ryan’s brain is supposed to be in charge of writing and creativity and all that jazz isn’t doing its part. 

And it’s not like he isn’t thinking of things. It’s just that every thought comes back to Shane somehow, and he doesn’t need Shane in his head right now. He doesn’t need to have the crinkles of his eyes or the blush in his cheeks distracting him, and he certainly doesn't need the anger from last night. Or this morning. Whatever the fuck. 

How long had he been working? Well, trying to work? Maybe he should wash up. On a weekday he would have done that a while ago. 

He gets up - quickly has regrets as the world goes white for a second and a headache mild enough to ignore suddenly becomes searing - and makes his way to the bathroom. 

* * *

The first thing Shane thought when he woke up was  _ damn, that was a weird-ass dream. Why did dream-me not have more questions about J-Lo opening a donut shop? _ The second thing Shane thought was  _ hey, this bed feels different than it did before. _ Did Ryan scooch over, or… 

Shane got his answer when he reached out for Ryan’s side of the bed, and found a distinct lack of Ryan there. 

That’s weird. Though maybe he just went to the bathroom. Shane curled back up, waiting for Ryan to return. 

After several minutes of waiting, the uneasiness came back in full swing. 

Ryan wasn’t… well, clearly he wasn’t taking a normal bathroom break. Maybe he was getting a midnight snack? Well - Shane looked at the alarm clock - a two-in-the-morning snack, that is. Would it take this long? Wouldn’t Shane have heard something? Unless something had gone wrong, and-  _ no, Shane, don’t think about that. _ Ryan’s fine.  _ You’re worrying about him too much again.  _

But I’ve got reasons to be worried. 

By ten past two, Shane decided he’d had enough. He got up, made his way through the hallway. The bathroom lights were off - all the lights were off - though there was a slight glow coming from the living room. He followed it; and next thing he knew, the wide eyes of one Ryan Bergara were staring at him, reflecting the light of an open laptop. 

* * *

God, he looks like shit. His hair’s a mess, his eyes… those fucking dark circles underneath. It’s not like he hasn’t noticed them before, but now, taking a good long look at them in the mirror, they stick out like blood on the water. Is this what people see when they look at him? Is this what Shane’s been seeing? 

How much has he been sleeping lately? Last night it couldn’t have been more than four hours. But he can handle it. He needs to handle it. He needs to keep everything afloat, for Shane and for Steven. They’d do the same for him, and… 

Oh god, what would Ryan say if Shane looked like him?  _ Stop thinking about it, Ryan. Get that image out of your head. _ Just the thought of Shane looking beaten up by work like that is enough to drill a pit in his stomach. 

The pit’s filled with a sudden sense of guilt, and Ryan knows what he has to do. 

His mind’s still racing with thoughts as he finds Shane’s name in his contact list. A thousand and one variations of  _ I’m sorry _ and  _ you were right _ and  _ it won’t happen again. _ They keep flooding his head as Shane’s phone rings. And rings. And rings. 

_ “Your call has been forwarded to an auto-” _

He hangs up. Fuck. He’s gotta reach Shane some other way. In person if he has to. Shane doesn’t have anything going on today, right? Ryan can just drive over- actually, maybe not in this state he’s in. He’ll get an uber or something. 

Plenty of time to figure out what to say, he thinks as he half-runs out his door into the hall, making his way to the stairwell. There’s another set of footfalls in there, and hopefully whoever it’s coming from won’t get too judgy for Ryan’s general disheveledness and-

Ryan freezes. So does Shane. 

They stay there for a moment. Shane looking up the stairs, Ryan looking down. Waiting for someone to break the silent air. 

Shane speaks first. 

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“I’m s-”

“I’m sorry.”

What? 

“I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that, I just- just got lost in worrying about you, which isn’t an excuse, I wanted to say that I was scared and I fucked it all up. I- I don’t want to get in the way of you being you, but I don’t want to see you get hurt and I don’t… I don’t want to be something that hurts you.”

Ryan’s lost for words. Everything that comes to mind is washed away by the sight of Shane’s eyes - glistening eyes - and the quaver in his voice. 

“I’m sorry.”

Ryan steels his nerves and starts walking downstairs. He’s one stair from the bottom, from Shane - they’re almost at eye level - when he stops and reaches out. 

Shane accepts. 

“I’m sorry, too.”

“Don’t be,” Shane says into Ryan’s shoulder. 

“No, I was an asshole, too. At least you were trying to help.”

“You’ve been trying to help us this whole time. It wasn’t in a healthy way, you have to know that-” 

“It really isn’t.”

“But I should have kept that in mind.”

“Jesus, we’re both massive idiots.”

Shane hugs him a little tighter. 

“You wanna head up?”

Shane nods. The two of them make their way back to Ryan’s apartment, eventually finding themselves back on the couch. Ryan closes his laptop, and locks eyes with Shane. The two lean into each other, and Ryan’s eyes are already threatening to drift closed. Shane seals his fate when he leans in, lips meeting lips for a long moment that Ryan wishes he could bottle up and keep with him forever. 

Ryan’s eyes stay shut when they part, and he snuggles into the side of his boyfriend, wrapping an arm around his way-too big shoulders. He thinks he feels another kiss against his forehead as he falls into a deep sleep for the first time in a while; and he knows that he feels long limbs wrapping around him as Shane settles in, too. 


End file.
